Tidbit for December 13, 1999:
Perusing the Almanac Classifieds
Last week, I took you on a tour of some of the eclectic purveyors of unique products that advertise in The Old Farmer's Almanac's "General Store" section. If you thought that there were some pretty whacky items there, you'll be even more astounded by the assortment of classified ads that occupy five of the pages in the special millennium edition of North America's oldest continuously published periodical. Some are downright scary... like the ones that start with, "DEATH BEGINS IN THE COLON," and "IS PRID DRAWING SALVE missing from your pharmacy?" Yikes! But others are fun... and probably harmless!
Here's a quick tour of the Web sites of some of the Almanac's classified advertisers:
Incredible
Mosquito Repellent
Well, the classified ad doesn't say much more than that, but when you visit the
Web site for Dan's Incredible Mosquito Repellent, you'll find that what's for sale for $10
is actually a recipe for concocting your own mosquito repellent.
Grow Your Own Pesticide-Free Tobacco and Healing Plants
Eden Organic Nursery Services Inc. advertises its free catalog in the Almanac
classifieds--it's available for free download as a PDF file at their Web site.
Meet Beautiful Women!
They will probably dig that you can make your own mosquito repellent! hee hee
Seriously, the Singles Worldwide Network promises Almanac readers a bevy of babes
from "Russia, Asia, Latin America, and USA," and their Web site carries the very
altruistic slogan, "Promoting Global Harmony One Relationship at a Time."
Bait Secrets
Gulf Books.com promotes its "Bait Secrets for freshwater and saltwater
fishing" via a classified ad--you'll find a secure order form at their Web site.
Simplify Your Life!
"Say no without feeling guilty," this ad promises! Boy this is one I
could really use! Wait... there's more. "Save time, money, energy. Order amazing
booklet by Vernon Howard, 'Your Power to Say No.'" For $2, how can you go wrong? Then
again, you could save $2 if you just said, "no." Or save 50 cents at least by ordering
online.
Amazing Gifts for Special Occasions
"Angels, sports/collectibles." Now there's an interesting combination
of amazing gifts! ARMU Products has an online catalog for you to browse and a printable
order form.
Wilderness Way
Need some primitive skills? This Owego, New York, tracking and nature awareness
school that advertises in the Almanac offers a variety of classes.
Deer Problems?
"We can help!" this ad promises. Call Deerbusters toll free at 800
248-DEER to request a free catalog, or browse their Web site for wildlife control and
garden specialty products.
Historic Stencils for Walls and Floors
MB Historic Decor has some neat catalogs of historic New England stencils
available for sale at its Web site. The catalog price is refunded with the purchaser's
first order. You'll find great designs from famous New England landmarks including The
Hall Tavern in historic Deerfield, Massachuetts; The Stencil House at the Shelburne Museum
in Vermont; and The Richardson House at Sturbridge Village in Sturbridge, Massachusetts.
Witch Works
Just in case your local provider of "empowered moon-cultivated herbal
potions and essences" doesn't have what you're looking for, it's good to know about
Witch Works. Their Web site boasts that two new blends, Wondrous Transformation Potion and
Divine Guardian Oil, are even available "in roll-on applicator bottles!" How
convenient is that? Me, I can't choose between the "Love Potion" and the potion
for "Fast Money," which, they claim, "smells like money!" Now if that
doesn't attract me a man, I don't know what else will!
Order
your own copy of the Almanac and get more chuckles out of the classified ads--there are
dozens more that don't have Web addresses, and I know you've
been looking for
"120 SECRET ASTROLOGICAL RECIPES" and BIBLICAL ANSWERS to questions pators
hate." The official Almanac.com Web site also
has its own Classified Ads for
you to explore.
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Photograph of Farmer's Almanac 2000 by Kim Knox, copyright 1999.
